Do you wish your parents hadn't adopted you? I can't get read from your posts. I get your views on the adoption system and your disgust towards it. But I can't tell if you wish they hadn't adopted you, if you don't really view them as your parents. Just curious. Feel free to ignore.
Asketh - Anonymous
well. i debated whether i should answer this. but i decided to just go for it.
i almost didn’t answer this question because i think it’s an irrelevant question. it’s also a ridiculously simple question for an abundantly complicated relationship. it’s irrelevant because it’s a waste of time and energy to wish that my parents hadn’t adopted me. if i wished that, does it mean that i could go back in time and change anything? if i didn’t wish that, does it mean that everything regarding my relationship with my parents is rainbows and unicorns?
i wrote about why it’s irrelevent in this post: saying that i think korea should stop international adoption doesn’t mean that i denounce my own adoption. i neither denounce it or celebrate it, i simply accept it. nor do i mourn the person i might’ve been or glorify the person that i have become.
it also dismisses the human element from my relationship with my parents. yes, i am disgusted with the adoption industry (let’s call it what it is) although i’ve stated that i’m not 100% against adoption, in theory. anyways, my parents were/are far from perfect as (adoptive) parents. but many people seem to be super concerned with my parents feelings regarding my feelings about adoption ㅡㅡ why?? are their feelings about my feelings more important than my feelings? does that make any sense??
do i view my parents as my parents? yes. regardless of our complicated relationship, i view them as my american parents. but i also think i have more than one set of parents. i do love my adoptive parents, i do appreciate the things they did right. but that doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to be critical about the many and sometimes very serious things that they did wrong.
again, does that mean i wish they hadn’t adopted me? what does that question even mean? you asked the question actually twice in your ask so i’m answering it again to point out the urgency with which you seem to need to know the answer to this question (although you did say feel free to ignore?). again, it seems like a totally irrelevant question to me but it’s one that many seem to want to know the answer to. and i think that that’s almost more telling. why do people want to know this? is it because they want to check whether or not i am appropriately grateful (by whatever standards they are measuring by) to my adoptive parents? to me, in that question, there’s an underlying implication that i should be grateful to have been adopted and therefore did not waste away in an orphanage and/or forced to become prostitute or any of the other horrid outcomes that would have surely been my fate if i had not been adopted. yes, adoptees are fed these stories of how we would’ve ended up if we hadn’t been ‘saved’ by our parents and i think this is to keep adoptees in line and eternally grateful. i think that’s psychologically abusive, but it’s an attitude that is pervasive throughout (western) society and the romance/myth surrounding the adoption story.
do i wish my parents hadn’t adopted me? no. because that’s a pointless exercise. it’s a waste of time and energy. do i wish that poor, women of color had just as much of a right to raise their children as the middle/upper class, white women who eventually get to raise them through adoption? yes.
that is the relevant question. one that can actually be used for change and progress. and that is why i work with kumfa.
because i’ve gotten a couple more asks along this vein, i am reblogging this ask.
I am also a Korean adoptee. I found your page and thought it is nice to see you are doing well. Seeing a picture of you and our child made me smile. It must have been an amazing feeling to see the beautiful eyes of your baby and see a reflection of yourself. Your child won't have the same challenges as you experienced. Won't have questions of where she belongs. I wish you and your family the best.
Asketh - Anonymous
Thank you so much : )
And to everyone else - I am sorry this blog has become a regram of all my instagrams. I can’t believe I still even have followers. I definitely miss those days in Korea where I had LTE everywhere I went and tons of free time to update the blog.
I have been busy adjusting to mommy life and recently accepted a full time job position actually related to my degree! Hope everyone on tumblr is doing well!!